Trauma Bonds

Trauma Bonding is the connection someone builds with an abuser. The relationship is typically unpredictable. They will consistently betray and you will consistently forgive. You will give anything to try to satisfy that person’s particular needs, even to the point of forgetting about yourself just to have “good times” with that person. These relationships are always complex and tend to have a lot of false promises. You know what to expect and you defend the relationship due to the bond.

These relationships typically have some pretty clear signs/stages. These are not just romantic relationships. You can trauma bond with virtually anyone. The best way to truly analyze a particular relationship is by journaling. Write down how your relationship goes on a regular basis. This may help if you see consistent patterns or what particular stage you may be in.

To break these cycles here are some tips. First, stop blaming yourself and try to begin to let that person go. I understand this sounds impossible but I promise the more you try the easier it will become. Check-in with yourself daily. See where you and your emotions are and make sure you are ok first. Stop having expectations as much as possible. We will never be able to predict or justify another’s actions therefore stop trying. Do not wish ill on anyone else! I know tough one, but it will do no good for you. In fact, the bad karma you are wishing on them may just turn on you.

Lean into your spirituality. This is a big one that I do not think nearly enough people spend time talking about. You will be going through the healing process, and see miracles you never thought possible. Take those in. Trust in God and what he has shown you he is capable of don’t run from them out of fear. They will carry you into parts of life you never dreamed of. If it’s not God explore but personally, it’s God and I am here to say what he can do is far greater than you can fathom.

Practice gratitude daily! This is not for your abuser, this is for you. Be thankful for your breath and the fact you are awake! Living in gratitude helps switch our minds from the negative things we are dealing with to a more positive outlet. It will also curb some depression. It’s hard to be super sad while talking/thinking about all the good things in your life.



About the author: Nicole Banner

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