Today is Christmas Eve 2022! It’s a day of absolute magic for me and my family as we celebrate our “Cookie Day”! This is when we get together open up our stockings and 1 gift. The gift is always new fuzzy PJs for Christmas. Everyone showers and gets cozy and then we bake! My oldest son Alex and I have done this since “07” the year he was born. And it has continued and grown since.
But yet there is a past that always comes creeping in this time of year. See some of us who have faced recovery whether addiction or trauma or both, have triggers and memories that surface. For me, my abuser was my family, so my boys are the only blood I have. For me, a son I lost many years ago comes back to memory as I imagine what he may have been like. Things that I would love to forget that happened this day pop in again.
Now, this is not the end of the world. It hurts sometimes worse than you ever thought possible but it heals. Feel those feelings! Let it hurt for a moment. Cry, scream, and then pray for peace and for him to take it. As many times as you need. Meditate, go outdoors, get with a friend or loved one who can be in it with you, whatever you must to comfort yourself (without using of course, or harming).
In the beginning, this is so hard, typically because your alone, we isolate. But you don’t have to. Go find people, give, love, and create. In the years after I disconnected from my family, we created our own. I am here to sincerely say, family, is what you make it. As I have gone on through recovery others have joined me. I have many friends whose family situations are less than desirable for multitudes of reasons. Some who I have created brother, sister, and cousin relationships with. It’s a win, win, I needed them and they needed me.
I was also greatly blessed with an in-law situation. We have now been married for almost a decade. But from day one Mom was Mom, and Granny was Granny. My boys never skipped a beat. They knew who Granny and Big Granny was. I mention them both because they were the first women I could respect, I could truly grow and learn from which words and love and money could never return. My brother and sister-in-law have taught me so much. My sister-in-law is like betty crocker on steroids and she taught me so much about cooking and etiquette. Not to mention mothering. Their boys are my nephews! I have this entire force of people that every time I’ve shaken they all at one point or another has picked me up.
So I needed to tell you, that even if it hurts right now, keep going. Look for love! Not everyone will hurt you. If your family sucks, fire them and create your own. And when those sad moments come, love on everyone around you! Thank God for the blessings you have, even if at the moment all you have is life!
I come with you and declare that every year will get better. That your recovery is a blessing to you, not a curse. That you know whatever you may have been through, things change, give yourself time! I love you all and stay strong! You got this!